Looking for a Few Good Men and Women

We are loking for a few good male and female athletes to play golf.  While promoting family time. We call it "9-hole life(tm)".  All it takes is a commitment to play in our 9-hole golf tournament, followed by a 2 hours relationship skills course, capped by a "family picnic" for all participants and their families.  

As a former bad golfer who couldn't play golf AND be with his family on weekends, I figured that golf takes 4-5 hours, not counting travel and rest time.  Many families complain that they are golf widows and widowers.  So why not cut the golf in half, and take the other 2-3 hours for your family?  

I plan on practicing marriage skills every day

Ok I admit it.  I've been bettter at talking about marriage skills than learning and applying them.   and I've been better at talking about others running away from practicing good communication in their marriage than doing my own communication with my wife.  And worst of all, I've escaped over and over into creating another facet of our relationship programs for work instead of practicing what I preach in my own marriage.  But BEST of all, I've realized it, and have committed to spending a few minutes every day reviewing basic reltionship skills - "LUV TALK", as the Smalleys call it - Listening, Understanding and Validating.

So all you bloggers and friends and twitterers out there, as we support, exchange and follow each other, please hold me to task to practice what I preach.

Planning is the real key

One thing I've noticed in my extended family and family law practice is how few people plan ahead for anything.  Oh the wealthy have money put away, but their kids are usually messed up, and don't have the money and relationship skills they need.  Most of the divorces I've seen involve that same lack of planning.  What does the couple want in years one, 2, 3, 5 and 10? How about 25, 50?  How are they gonna get there?

Will anything help?  I recommend our marriage* and family booster plan, along with estate planning.  A couple and family can plan their estate, and teenage kids can learn how to choose a spouse,  learn budgeting, plan their careers.  We also offer relationship skills for the whole family.  I don't hear too many family educators talk about planning.

Adult kids can avoid marrying a jerk or jerkette, and MAYBE the family will live happily ever after.   

*("parenting" for unmarried couples) 

making our marriage better

my wife and i have a very unique marriage.  we are both strong willed, dramatic, loving,   but love a good fight - never physical thank G-d.  We are both very responsible parents, and we've had to really work at our marriage.  We DO have fun, but not all the time.  Minette is a little resistant to learning marriage skills, and I'm not much better.  She is very supportive of my efforts as a family lawyer to save marriages, but warns me not all should be saved, even for the kids. 

We could have thrown in the towel many times, but always hung in there, and its gotten better every year.  I think that every  one knows at some level if they've married the right person no matter how rough it gets some time.  how do you know?  if only one of you can make the adjustment needed at that time, and things get better.  and look at what you bring each other...the positives...also...do you get upset about the same things?  if you don't and fight about that, see it another way - it may be good that you  are upset about different things - thats what has saved our marriage - seeing the other person for who they are and not resisting, learning to love.

are you tough enuf for marriage?

As a family lawyer, I can get you a divorce - thats easy for me at least. And you say its your only option? Can't get along with your wife or husband, so you want out. Again I can help you, no problem. And you say you'll be ok, and your kids will be as well. Maybe yes, maybe no. You, you'll probably marry the same person in a different body. Your kids might do ok if they get the right help. But the stats say no. Are you really just being selfish when you go for a divorce?

But what if your family lawyer could show you how to do a contract laying out how you're going to learn marriage and family skills that could save your marriage? What if there were a way to be selfish about your happiness and yet think about your kids, the ones who will really be hurt if you get a divorce?